Don't (Just) Look for the Best

Anne Lafleur's latest video talks about a twist on "always looking for the best," which we hear so much about in today's positive thinking psychology. 

Check out it out on her Youtube channel (approx. 5 minutes):

Here are some quick bullet points that Anne covers in the video:

  • Looking for the good in people is really important. It is a powerful way to cultivate gratitude, and bring out the best in the people around you.
  • It's also really important not to get attached to just seeing the good stuff.
  • The truth is, we all contain mixtures of "good" and "bad," and that's okay.
  • When I think I should only see the good in people, it can lead me to have huge blind spots, and operate with a sense of anxiety, being afraid that I might learn or notice something about the person that is hard for me to accept as good.
  • Only being willing to see the good in others can create anxiety for them, too. Not being fully seen, they may feel lonely, and wonder if you would still love and accept them if you knew the full truth about them.
  • Only focusing on their "good" characteristics also means that you aren't able to see where you might be able to support them in their learning and growth.
  • My invitation to you: don't just practice finding the good in people; notice their blind spots, too. Where are they having an impact that is different from what they probably want? What might be helpful for them to learn that they don't yet know how to do?
  • You don't have to tell them unless they ask -- it's not your business, and could easily become counter-productive -- but your simple willingness see their full complexity and love and accept them anyway can do a lot for your sense of happiness and connection. It can help you come to terms with your own complex mixture of "good" and "bad" as well.

I'm curious how you relate to this. What parts of it resonate with you?

Can you think of times when you've only been willing to see good (or bad) in someone else, or when they've seemed to see you as one-dimensional?

How do you find the good in people that you don't particularly like? 

Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Anne Lafleur